Our agenda today

Today will be a fun day at least that is what I hope.I'm feeling under the weather sort of speaking. My head and throat is hurting.Well, I need a hair cut because next week I'll be covering for a dear lady at work,and it'll be working from 9am to 4:30pm.I'll need extra time to get the girls off to the appropiate places. I'll enjoy it because it'll be working with ladies and gentlemen who have Dementia. It's so sad watching them wither away to nothing.
Then my lovely son will be attending Prom this year,so mommy gets to go have him fitted for it. WOW!!!!!! I'm so excited.

Not putting much effort into trying to have another baby

This evening my husband and I discussed us not trying to have another baby. It's too much emotionally, mentally for me. I'm mad at everyone, mad at the world and not being a person I should be, my ever being is rolled into this trying to have another baby. I can't allow this to consume, of course it will be hard because I'm not the type of person to let it get the best of me. I 'm determined to have another baby but know that I need to leave it alone and fly on and live my life like I had no desire for more children. I know I keep telling myself this all the time and then flip flop back to jump on the band wagon, but today was the worst for me, and I need to let go.

Life being too short

Today my precious 20 yr old called me in tears and beyond any words can express said "Mom, Joseph died". He happened to be very close to my daughter and they had,had words a couple weeks ago and he said "I'm hanging up this phone,do not call me anymore". She had made him mad. She has been so distraght over this because she never thought that this could happen. The last words to him and to her that night were not good.
He was buried yesterday without her even knowing and she felt so out of place and needing to say something to him.
I took her to his grave sight today and she fell to pieces because they parted on bad terms.
Life is too short to go one with words of regret. If you have ever said harsh words to anyone,please remember to apologise because you never know what can happen or when you go to meet the Lord.

I just can't do this anymore

Well, of course my day started great then a friend announcing her pregnancy. I just can't do this anymore. I went and talked to my pastor at church who said that the Lord has set consequences for our actions of not praying before we had the vasectomy and that those consequences are the antisperm antibodies,so it looks as if we will never have any more children. I can't do this, I can't get over this.It's consuming my life and I'm angry.I'm angry at the fact that I respected my husbands wishes to have the Vasectomy,that I was too afraid to speak up and stop the vasectomy and now I may never feel that precious life grow inside me again,nor give birth or breastfeed.

I wish I would have never gave up breastfeeding my baby girl,I could have had a few more months of that bonding.

This is really not fair.

Had such a great day with my Emily.

Yesterday for me was so nice with my 4yr old.We had so much fun enjoying each other. She had a cheer competition and afterwards we went and had lunch at the RainForest Cafe ,then decided to ride the river boat on the river walk downtown. We walked along the river looking in the water and exploring the time on the walk, we then talked and just had a blast.

I can't believe my Catey bug will be 2 in 10 days.

How time flies when your children age. As I'm sitting here I am reminded that in 10 days my Catey will turn 2. I remember the struggle we had to have her.the joy I felt as I found out. I had lost her brother/sister just a short month before concieving her and the Lord was watching over her.
Today she was playing in her sand box which by the way we bought sand at home depot yesterday. She just loves playing in the sand and having fun. We have been trying to fix up the backyard and get our garden planted,which we have planted only three tomatoe plants as well and four jalapeno plants. I can't wait, I'll making tons of salsa.

My cheerleader

My two cuties in the sun

Yesterday my girls wanted to enjoy our beautiful weather.I took their pictures outside as we enjoyed the nice sunshine.

We are on our way to the magical kingdom of Disneyworld

I can't believe my little girl made it to the UCA Cheer Nationals and we are leaving at 7am for Orlando FL. It's amazing!! I have already made plans for us to have the time of our lives there,to really enjoy each other and to have that mother/daughter moment.
Please keep us in prayer.

The word "Mommy"

This morning as I was sitting on my floor and my heart ached so much for not concieving so quickly it dawned on me,the word "mommy". My almost 2yr old was standing there saying "mommy". It came to me that the word "Mommy" is spoken to me because our great Lord as intrusted my children in me,to raise them up in his ways. The longing to be a mommy is just that,I'm already a mommy,I need to care for my children now and raise them up in his ways and that no matter how many more children I have or don't have I'm already a "Mommy". I long for that word to so many more children,I guess that is why I yearn for more.Just knowing my children are innocent little creatures who rely on me for their nurturing,their care and take make sure they are safe.

We have an update on our RE appt

We had our RE appt and no he will not be doing steriods,mainly b/c there is no significant proof they work in fact they indure alot. But our RE said what we could do is IUI,I'm not opposed to it but at the sametime want to hold off. The RE did say which made my mind at much ease and believe me I was on my hands and knees praying to God to not close that door,to not take my fertility away from me and please give me a sign well he did.So, the RE said that despite my hubby's antisperm antibodies that he has very good sperm count that most men with the antibodies which kill off the sperm have very low sperm count. He also said we could try medicated timed intercourse but my risks for multiples will be higher. So,that is our next action plan after that we wait upon the Lord.Please continue to pray for me b/c my heart is heavy.We will start the medication in April b/c of my trip to Disneyworld with my DD. I found out the other day we cane get the meds for free at the military hospital which is a blessing in itself b/c they are expensive.



Thank you everyone for being such great loving Godly friends,I do appreciate it.