Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Feeling unorganized

Feeling like you will never get organized or that your kids will never be able to do chores/ school work on their own.

I decided what about Home Making Binders. How cool would that be for each girl to have one. Also they had no excuse to not find them, they are binders, they could decorate them. I made some of the printable's some I got from




I used a 1' binder , insert tab dividers 5 to be exact, each one is labeled, Chore Chart, Reading Log, Daily Schedule, Prayers and Meal planning.
I used these exact forms. 

Each week, I feel their assignments, so they know exactly what school work needs to be done, they have their chore chart, reading log they enter each book, the pages read, the Author. They have their prayer sheet, where they write down a daily prayer, and their meal planning.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Letter to our precious Angel due Dec 25th

Its now been 6 months since we lost you and not a day goes by I dont wish I could have held you at least one time. To carry you in my stomach and feel each kick, to hear your heart beat and lay in bed to fall asleep  like I did your sister's. To see you on that monitor and watch you to flips all around and be an acrobat. To find out if you were a girl or a boy, to feel that joy of pregnancy and loving excitement of delivery.
We yearned for you so much, a year later exactly on the day we lost your other sibling is the day we found out we were expecting you. I was overjoyed but yet guarded because I feared Id loose you to. I went to the Dr quit a few times, getting blood work done and ultrasounds to make sure everything was going according to plan. The plan I had hoped for was to bring home a precious Gift from God on Christmas day. A hope of being able to hold my sweet Rainbow baby after such a terrible storm of loosing two of your siblings.
A few short weeks, 9 to be exact would be a day that changed my life yet again. My hopes of bringing home a baby  been dashed. My dream of a baby to whom we would name after your PawPaw who passed away or your Great Grandfather or even a Grandmother.
May 17th will always be a day I will remember, the day I miscarried you, the day you went to be with God.
I have learned so much from you, I have learned to not take what children we have here on earth for granted, to not take a pregnancy, delivery for granted. To always thank the Lord for giving me the oppurtunity of giving you life.
I pray one day when I see you, you will know how much we wanted you, how much you were loved by all.
I thank God for opening my womb for giving me the oppurtunity to become pregnant with you, thanking him always for the gift of Life, the gift of opening a women's womb

Friday, May 24, 2013

Our beautiful almost 3yr old learning to write her name and cut.

My 5th miscarriage, 3rd in a row

Today I decided since it is very hard for me to even talk or open my mouth to God I would start blogging. When we conceived this baby, my first initial thought was shock disbelief and fear, I knew what the outcome was going to be and I knew I did not want my heart hurt again. Why? Do you think I knew, well its been a very trying 2years with a lot of stuff going on and I knew in my heart it would not end up the way I would like it.
I really have not been able to even talk to God, I cant get the words out, I am so hurt and torn by everything that has taken place, I know God is not to blame for it, he did allow it to happen for what purpose or reason I don't know. I have cried so much, I am so blessed to have 7 wonderful children here on earth, and now 5 in heaven. I wont be able to hold, kiss them, nurse them, change their diaper or anything, I wont be able to see them till I get to heaven, which may be awhile or soon, who knows.
How do you possibly get through loosing a baby, even if its only 9 weeks or 29 weeks or even 32 weeks, a baby is a baby, and my babies all left me at 7weeks,4weeks,11weeks, 9 weeks and 9 weeks. My last 3 losses were in a row, it had been a year since we got pregnant last and I thought well, I am old and my eggs are no good. I started to be content with the children I had left to raise our 4 lovely girls, Alyson, Emily, Catey and Graci. It took me a year to finally be ok with never having anymore, in fact I remember saying, If I never have another child, I'm ok because I don't ever want to go through such pain, and here I sit in that same pain I was once was again, after saying if I never have another child again i'm ok as long as I never have to feel the pain again.
Our daughters are soo heart broken, especially our 11 year old, she wont talk to me about it, we have suffered 5 losses and all while she was growing up. I remember the first loss we had, 7 years ago. She was in Pre-k and she ran down the hall saying "my mommy has a baby in her tummy". I thought Im not pregnant, well a few short weeks later I was. Then we lost it and her little heart cried, she was 4 years old, then we got pregnant right away and had Catey. What a blessing she has been. We had another loss after Catey a few years later, and it was a complete shock, we then got pregnant a few short months later and had GraciLynn. We have then went on to have 3 more in a row, and it has been extremely devastating to me.