Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sharing my story of my beautiful babies in heaven
The past few days have been extremely hard, I thought it was going great till something ran across my ears and then bam, it hit me. The day before yesterday i was cleaning the girls closest and ran across hanging up were the cute shirts I had made the girls announcing the new arrival of their sibling, and again it hit me hard that i dont have them here with me, they are in heaven.
It began back in 2006, June to be exact. We fell pregnant May of 2006, on mother's day. Found out we were expecting not what we had expected needless to say we had just moved here to Texas, my husband just retired from the Navy. Well it would start by ending up in the Dr's office for blood work and the blood work not going well, then it would consist of u/s weekly, by the 7th week the Dr said we will see you back in a few weeks, we dont think things are going well. My husband worked 2hrs away one way, I had 2 little ones 3 older ones home. My oldest daughter went to my last Dr appt,the dr came in and said its a no go, baby was not developing. Go hime discuss options with hubby and go from there, Friday june 9th 2006 i had a D&C. We had decided that God knew what he was doing and was going to bless us with more,so next month we fell preggo again and Catey Louise was born March 31st 2007.
After a lengthy ordeal over a vasectomy, DH was convicted to have it reversed so in 2008 he got a reversal. July 2009, we got pregnant much to our surprise as we were told we could not concieve on our own b/c of antisperm antibodies. A few days after finding out we were pregnant, went for blood work and found out we had what they call a chemical pregnancy. A few months later we would get pregnant again and Gracilynn June was born 7/23/2010. We enjoyed everything about her and wanted more. When I got my first PPAF,we started trying, got pregnant almost immediately on our second month trying, i was shocked so excited.We then would also learn our oldest daughter was expecting as well, a few short days ahead of me. Things were going so well, had my first OB appt, for screening, but had a different feeling too, asked for an u/s. I was told at 11weeks our baby died at 9 weeks. I was so devastated beyond anything, I had wanted that baby so bad,my heart was just broken to bits. OB Dr said by the end of the week you should naturally miscarry if not Id have to have a D&C, I did not want that,so i went home and waited. A few short days later i would get the news my only living Grandmother left the link between me and my bio mom would pass, two days later i would loose our precious baby. I cant explain how hurt and broken hearted i was, I was so distraught over it. Our baby was due May 4th 2012.
A few short months I would fall pregnant again, again I was excited but very gaurded,did not get my hopes up, did not get attached. Everything going well, OB Dr said things looked good,had some light bleeding found out I had a hematoma,ok I have dealt with those not a big deal. That was a Monday. sunday I woke up, had more spotting except this time it was quite a bit more,told hubby I needed to stay home from church, he could take the girls. I proceeded to help my 5yr old get dressed, as I sat on her bed I felt something pull away from inside me, more of something detaching. I told hubby I just felt something, I walked to the bathroom and that is where I lost our baby, I picked him/her our of the toilet wiped the baby off and could clearly see the sac and the baby with little black dots for eyes,i cried so hard. I will never,ever forget the day i held my sweet baby.
Today this afternoon,I was putting my 2 yr old to bed, I kneeled by her bed to stroke her little cheek and i started praying, pouring my heart out to God, telling him to them all mommy loves them so much.
It began back in 2006, June to be exact. We fell pregnant May of 2006, on mother's day. Found out we were expecting not what we had expected needless to say we had just moved here to Texas, my husband just retired from the Navy. Well it would start by ending up in the Dr's office for blood work and the blood work not going well, then it would consist of u/s weekly, by the 7th week the Dr said we will see you back in a few weeks, we dont think things are going well. My husband worked 2hrs away one way, I had 2 little ones 3 older ones home. My oldest daughter went to my last Dr appt,the dr came in and said its a no go, baby was not developing. Go hime discuss options with hubby and go from there, Friday june 9th 2006 i had a D&C. We had decided that God knew what he was doing and was going to bless us with more,so next month we fell preggo again and Catey Louise was born March 31st 2007.
After a lengthy ordeal over a vasectomy, DH was convicted to have it reversed so in 2008 he got a reversal. July 2009, we got pregnant much to our surprise as we were told we could not concieve on our own b/c of antisperm antibodies. A few days after finding out we were pregnant, went for blood work and found out we had what they call a chemical pregnancy. A few months later we would get pregnant again and Gracilynn June was born 7/23/2010. We enjoyed everything about her and wanted more. When I got my first PPAF,we started trying, got pregnant almost immediately on our second month trying, i was shocked so excited.We then would also learn our oldest daughter was expecting as well, a few short days ahead of me. Things were going so well, had my first OB appt, for screening, but had a different feeling too, asked for an u/s. I was told at 11weeks our baby died at 9 weeks. I was so devastated beyond anything, I had wanted that baby so bad,my heart was just broken to bits. OB Dr said by the end of the week you should naturally miscarry if not Id have to have a D&C, I did not want that,so i went home and waited. A few short days later i would get the news my only living Grandmother left the link between me and my bio mom would pass, two days later i would loose our precious baby. I cant explain how hurt and broken hearted i was, I was so distraught over it. Our baby was due May 4th 2012.
A few short months I would fall pregnant again, again I was excited but very gaurded,did not get my hopes up, did not get attached. Everything going well, OB Dr said things looked good,had some light bleeding found out I had a hematoma,ok I have dealt with those not a big deal. That was a Monday. sunday I woke up, had more spotting except this time it was quite a bit more,told hubby I needed to stay home from church, he could take the girls. I proceeded to help my 5yr old get dressed, as I sat on her bed I felt something pull away from inside me, more of something detaching. I told hubby I just felt something, I walked to the bathroom and that is where I lost our baby, I picked him/her our of the toilet wiped the baby off and could clearly see the sac and the baby with little black dots for eyes,i cried so hard. I will never,ever forget the day i held my sweet baby.
Today this afternoon,I was putting my 2 yr old to bed, I kneeled by her bed to stroke her little cheek and i started praying, pouring my heart out to God, telling him to them all mommy loves them so much.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
5 days almost 4 according to my time till Christmas
Well,I hope everyone is fine, here in sunny Texas we are hot and cold some days other days its rather just plain cold. It is almost 4 days away till Christmas and I hope everyone is having an awesome holiday season,I know our family is, getting over the sickness than ran rampid in our house the past week, supposed to attend a Christmas dinner at our church and some of us did some of us had to stay home b/c of sickness.
So I have been seriously thinking since I love,love babies that I would become a certified Labour Doula and a CLC certified lactation consultant. I have loved breastfeeding my babies as well as giving birth and my days might be numbered as far as having babies so I thought my next step would be that. Well, off to bed, our 5 year old as an MD appt in the morning so Im tagalong 4 kiddo's with me.
So I have been seriously thinking since I love,love babies that I would become a certified Labour Doula and a CLC certified lactation consultant. I have loved breastfeeding my babies as well as giving birth and my days might be numbered as far as having babies so I thought my next step would be that. Well, off to bed, our 5 year old as an MD appt in the morning so Im tagalong 4 kiddo's with me.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
More,and More bows and pillow case dresses i make
I love having daughters, more and more, and more bows and pillow case dresses.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The greatest Christmas gift ever
Tonight while at church a dear friend gave me the best Christmas gift ever. Lately I have not had the best time with my losses, I miss my babies very much and it seemed that no one had ever remembered them, not even my husband or family only I. Tonight I received 4 Christmas ornaments with babies wrapped in angel wings and on each one the dates my babies would have made their arrival into this world. As i opened the gift and saw what they were I literally cried. That made my day and I will never forget it. So you know you who you are,I thank God you have came into our lives.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
Toilet training
We have succeeded. Our 27 month old is fully trained even trained at night it's been 4 nights with panties on and no accidents. Very pleased.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Left Facebook
Today I have left Facebook feels ok I guess but needed to be done. It truly had taken over my life and took me deleting it to get my perspective back. I will miss everyone so much.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
12 days of Easter
I have been really interested in this as our womens bible study is studying the book of John,it takes place during the curxificion and reserection of Jesus Christ.
I have bought 12 eggs and in each egg will be a slip of paper, on the paper it will have a name,verse and activity.
12th day before Easter: We will say and decorate with paints very beautiful the name of "Jesus", we will talk about what the Name of Jesus means for example Son of God, Lamb of God,The Messiah,The Chosen one. We will read the verses in Luke 1,also in Phillipians 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.
11th day: The fishes and loaves, how Jesus feeds the 5000. We will have fishes and bread for snack time, and read John 6:1-15,Luke 9, and Matthew 14. We will then discuss how so many people got full on such little food that Jesus provided and how when we have little food,we can know that Jesus will feed us and provide for us.
10th day: The storm. Jesus calms the storm: We will read Mark 4, Luke 8 and Matthew 8,we also have coloring page of Jesus in the boat,we will play with a boat in the bathtub and make a raging storm and see if we can stop it quickly,talk about how many times we have gone through storms in our lives and how qucikly Jesus calms those storms for us.
9th day: Jesus Heals the Blind Man, read John 9:28. Our activity will be blind folding everyone while I read the story,asking how does it feel to not be able to see anything, the sky,outside, peoples faces, the animals. If you touched something could you know what it is? How many of you would get tired of not being able to see? Then ask another person to walk with the blind folded person and to make sure they do not trip or fall along the way,tell them we need to be like that,to trust in Jesus to help us along the way,to rest assured Jesus will be there every step.
8th day: Jesus washes Feet: Reading John13 1-17how Jesus washed the 12 Disciples feet,and how Jesus was serving and being served, and how we need to serve and not put ourselves first. How royalty does not wash feet,but that the Kings of Kings did,and what that means. We will then make our king of kings crown with jewels,put on our crown and wash each other's feet. Washing of other feet is humility, that we need to be Christ like
7th day: Mary Magdalene washes Jesus washes feet: I love this one the best b/c it shows the love Mary Magdalene had for Jesus, Mary Magdalene was not of rich blood,and had the most expensive oil that she washed her Christ's feet with,she showed humility and humbleness towards her king,discuss the spikenard and it's worth now,and the reason for washing Jesus feet with expensive oil. Sample mommies perfume and oil.
6th day; The young rich ruler: Giving. Take something of value, and set it out on the table, read Luke 18:18-23 and Matthew 19,along with Acts 20.35.Then take the valued items on the table give each child an item, then go around and ask them to give it up to you,then turn around and give the item back now this time ask them to hand it to the next person, and teach how when Jesus asks the rich young ruler to give up all his riches,and teach it's better to give then receive. Have them pick a special toy of theirs and donate it to a special child.
5th day: Jesus Vists Zacchaeus: Small trinkets or small pieces of candy, read the bible verse Luke 19, and teach about them maybe forgetting people in their lives, have them write a small letter or note to someone they may have not spoken to in along time, and tell them they are thinking of them.
4th day: Jesus loved the Chidlren; Time voucher, each child will be able to write how they'd like to have time spent with a parent,talk about how Jesus loves children and how we ought to love children and remember that every child is gift. Ask the children if they can write down how they like to spend time with others. How do we show Jesus we love him? How can you show others you love them?
3rd day: Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, Read John 11. How he reacted to hearing of Lazarus death, how he was a real person in the flesh and how he walked the earth for many years going through the same turmoil we do today. How God walks with us and talks with us ALL the time.
2nd day: Jesus Dies on the Cross for our sins. Matthew 27, Luke 23 and John 19,make the crown of thorns, talk about the the hill of Galgotha that Jesus carried the cross, How it took place very early morning. We do our Easter cookies this night. http://www.dltk-bible.com/recipes/easter_story_cookies.htm.
Day 1: HE IS RISEN!!!!!! Read Matthew 28,Mark 16, John 20. Talk about how Mary went to the tomb to see Jesus,and to her amazment the stone was rolled away,Jesus has RISEN!!! The last egg will have nothing in it. Because it will symbolize Jesus has Risen.
I have bought 12 eggs and in each egg will be a slip of paper, on the paper it will have a name,verse and activity.
12th day before Easter: We will say and decorate with paints very beautiful the name of "Jesus", we will talk about what the Name of Jesus means for example Son of God, Lamb of God,The Messiah,The Chosen one. We will read the verses in Luke 1,also in Phillipians 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.
11th day: The fishes and loaves, how Jesus feeds the 5000. We will have fishes and bread for snack time, and read John 6:1-15,Luke 9, and Matthew 14. We will then discuss how so many people got full on such little food that Jesus provided and how when we have little food,we can know that Jesus will feed us and provide for us.
10th day: The storm. Jesus calms the storm: We will read Mark 4, Luke 8 and Matthew 8,we also have coloring page of Jesus in the boat,we will play with a boat in the bathtub and make a raging storm and see if we can stop it quickly,talk about how many times we have gone through storms in our lives and how qucikly Jesus calms those storms for us.
9th day: Jesus Heals the Blind Man, read John 9:28. Our activity will be blind folding everyone while I read the story,asking how does it feel to not be able to see anything, the sky,outside, peoples faces, the animals. If you touched something could you know what it is? How many of you would get tired of not being able to see? Then ask another person to walk with the blind folded person and to make sure they do not trip or fall along the way,tell them we need to be like that,to trust in Jesus to help us along the way,to rest assured Jesus will be there every step.
8th day: Jesus washes Feet: Reading John13 1-17how Jesus washed the 12 Disciples feet,and how Jesus was serving and being served, and how we need to serve and not put ourselves first. How royalty does not wash feet,but that the Kings of Kings did,and what that means. We will then make our king of kings crown with jewels,put on our crown and wash each other's feet. Washing of other feet is humility, that we need to be Christ like
7th day: Mary Magdalene washes Jesus washes feet: I love this one the best b/c it shows the love Mary Magdalene had for Jesus, Mary Magdalene was not of rich blood,and had the most expensive oil that she washed her Christ's feet with,she showed humility and humbleness towards her king,discuss the spikenard and it's worth now,and the reason for washing Jesus feet with expensive oil. Sample mommies perfume and oil.
6th day; The young rich ruler: Giving. Take something of value, and set it out on the table, read Luke 18:18-23 and Matthew 19,along with Acts 20.35.Then take the valued items on the table give each child an item, then go around and ask them to give it up to you,then turn around and give the item back now this time ask them to hand it to the next person, and teach how when Jesus asks the rich young ruler to give up all his riches,and teach it's better to give then receive. Have them pick a special toy of theirs and donate it to a special child.
5th day: Jesus Vists Zacchaeus: Small trinkets or small pieces of candy, read the bible verse Luke 19, and teach about them maybe forgetting people in their lives, have them write a small letter or note to someone they may have not spoken to in along time, and tell them they are thinking of them.
4th day: Jesus loved the Chidlren; Time voucher, each child will be able to write how they'd like to have time spent with a parent,talk about how Jesus loves children and how we ought to love children and remember that every child is gift. Ask the children if they can write down how they like to spend time with others. How do we show Jesus we love him? How can you show others you love them?
3rd day: Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, Read John 11. How he reacted to hearing of Lazarus death, how he was a real person in the flesh and how he walked the earth for many years going through the same turmoil we do today. How God walks with us and talks with us ALL the time.
2nd day: Jesus Dies on the Cross for our sins. Matthew 27, Luke 23 and John 19,make the crown of thorns, talk about the the hill of Galgotha that Jesus carried the cross, How it took place very early morning. We do our Easter cookies this night. http://www.dltk-bible.com/recipes/easter_story_cookies.htm.
Day 1: HE IS RISEN!!!!!! Read Matthew 28,Mark 16, John 20. Talk about how Mary went to the tomb to see Jesus,and to her amazment the stone was rolled away,Jesus has RISEN!!! The last egg will have nothing in it. Because it will symbolize Jesus has Risen.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
God surely does work in mysterious ways doesnt he,just when you think he is not listening or caring he is. We lost a precious baby much wanted baby in October last year and i thought for sure our days were over or numbered except much to my amaze last week,we found out we are expecting#8 November 25th. I am so excited but yet gaurded as well b/c of the loss we experienced.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Our Due date approaches
Our due date approaches but no baby will arrive. I feel so empty at times lately when I think how many people dont even know how I'm coping. I have a sweet daughter who her and I were due within days of each other and no one even cares to ask how are you doing. Having a Grandchild will be awesome and I hope people are right it could help with healing,some how I dont see it. Times I feel I am standing still to that day October 2nd the day my baby passed through my body the day that has changed my world. So many life changes has happened and yet I am still standing. I hate when people say,Nancy be happy and smile for what you have, but how can one do that. I am extremely happy for the children I have, and yes I do want more but that will never change my loss for a baby I so desperately needed at a time in my marriage where I rock bottom hit.
I see the look on y 10 yr olds face when we start talking about the loss, her eyes tear up and when I ask her if she is ok,she says yes it like any other pregnancy you always loose it. I hate to see that look and even explaining to her hurts b/c even at 10 she cant quite grasp the concept that some babies are not meant to be here on earth but in heaven. Then she says will how will they know who you are, they will know their momma.
I wish the pain did/does not have to be so painful,I wish it would just go away and never return.
I see the look on y 10 yr olds face when we start talking about the loss, her eyes tear up and when I ask her if she is ok,she says yes it like any other pregnancy you always loose it. I hate to see that look and even explaining to her hurts b/c even at 10 she cant quite grasp the concept that some babies are not meant to be here on earth but in heaven. Then she says will how will they know who you are, they will know their momma.
I wish the pain did/does not have to be so painful,I wish it would just go away and never return.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
God's Girls
Well, We have been lately called to teach and train my daughters up in the ways of God, I am really convicted more like it, to make sure they know our loving,soveriegn and forgiving God.
I have been reading an awesome book by Elizabeth George who really put it in perspective for me as far as daily,minute by minute,second by second sharing Christ with my girls.
We have 7 children and 3 in heaven, I have older children who are 23,20 & 19. We 4 little girls who I homeschool but also need to know God's unconditional love for them.
Every morning,I challenge myself to write something to my daughters aboout what you want them to know about God's love, how God wants them has his brides to act and conduct themselves. Then at the end of the year give it them, frame or keep it till a birthday for following year.
I have been reading an awesome book by Elizabeth George who really put it in perspective for me as far as daily,minute by minute,second by second sharing Christ with my girls.
We have 7 children and 3 in heaven, I have older children who are 23,20 & 19. We 4 little girls who I homeschool but also need to know God's unconditional love for them.
Every morning,I challenge myself to write something to my daughters aboout what you want them to know about God's love, how God wants them has his brides to act and conduct themselves. Then at the end of the year give it them, frame or keep it till a birthday for following year.
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